Why are honeybees important, you might ask? They’re tied to $15 billion in produce every year. Oh, and they invented twerking.

That video above claims that honeybees (or honey bees, whatever you prefer) are essential to the development of mankind. Before you shout “HYPERBOLE!” and return to Facebook-stalking a girl you once brushed up against in college, let’s go through this for a second. They take pollen off flowers, return it to their nest (they use it to feed baby bees) — but the pollination process at the flower basically results in one-third of the world’s produce production being accomplished. Yep. Big number.

There’s a problem, though:

But agricultural production has been threatened by a more than decade-long decline in commercial honeybees and their wild cousins due to habitat loss and pesticide use. Colony collapse disorder, in which honeybees suddenly disappear or die, has made the problem worse, boosting losses over the winter to as much as 30 percent per year.

Ruh roh! Something necessary to life as we know it — basically, to your local farmers’ market being stocked — is in trouble. What’s the solution?

The USDA hopes to stem those losses by providing more areas for bees to build up food stores and strength for winter. The new program will be “a real shot in the arm” for improving bees’ habitat and food supply, said Jason Weller, chief of USDA’s Natural Resources Conservation Service.

Dairy farmers and ranchers in Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin and the Dakotas can qualify for about $3 million to reseed pastures with alfalfa, clover and other plants appealing to both bees and livestock. Farmers also can get help building fences, installing water tanks and making other changes that better enable them to move their animals from pasture to pasture so the vegetation doesn’t become worn down. The goal is to provide higher quality food for insects and animals.

In true American fashion, we’re going to throw money at the issue — but that’s good, because ’tis important.

Now, another thing you should understand is that this $3 million infusion for reseeding pastures can also only benefit the broader twerking community, because honeybees basically started that all up:

Waggle Dance is a term used in Beekeeping also known as Apiculture and it describes a very particular figure of eight dance that bees perform for other members of their colony so they can communicate the direction and distance of the flowers which are yielding the most nectar and pollen.  There is close correlation between the duration and direction of the waggle run and the direction and distance of the resource being described.

Don’t believe me?

Damn, still don’t believe me?

Think about this: the next time you lambast Miley Cyrus for her general approach to entertainment and civilization, stop and pause on this for a second — she’s basically just channeling a centuries-old process by which your vegetables get to you, ultimately. Is that really so bad?

Ted Bauer