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Here’s a fun party game: Which celebrity couple would you have a threesome with?

Of course, BuzzFeed has a quiz on this.

Here’s my intro story for this: probably in about 2008 or so, I was doing one of those unwise ‘let’s-drink-all-day’ Saturdays in NYC, and by about 8pm, my core friends were totally destroyed and half-asleep on a friend’s couch. I ended up going out to dinner with my wife — at the time we weren’t even dating and could loosely be called acquaintances — and one of my college best friends and his wife (already married at the time), who most assuredly hadn’t been drinking all day. Let’s call that dinner “interesting.” After dinner, my future wife and I go downtown to this birthday party. Ironically, in the cab ride, we’re both talking about sex with other people. This was a really weird evening.

We get down there, and some of my co-workers are there (that’s who the birthday was for) and my future wife has invited a couple of her friends. One of them, Carla, brings a guy who was essentially on a second or third date with her. I’m drunk as hell by about midnight and for some reason, I’m talking to this new boyfriend and being like, “Man, I really find Will Smith attractive. Like, he was on a magazine cover recently and it’s just visceral.” Then I paused and I’m all like, “Now you tell me guys you find attractive!”

Magically, about five years later, my wife and I are invited to the wedding of those two — I say “magically” because I mean, it’s hard to recover from a start like that, you know?

So at this wedding, we don’t really know a ton of people and we’re at a table with essentially randoms. What do you do in that situation? Bond with ’em. How do you bond? Ridiculous shit. So here’s what we did:

What celebrity couple would you join for a threesome?

My answer was Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem, because I mean:

Penelope Cruz Javier Bardem Ocean Sex

Someone at the table tossed out “Brad and Angelina,” which made me lose a bit of respect for ’em. I mean, they’re both attractive and all, but she seems kinda waif-ish sometimes. But that’s the heart of this game! You’re out there basically exposing what you like and value in the celebrities we all secretly worship.

You’ve got a couple of options in the world today, of course:

  • Kim and Kanye
  • Tom and Gisele
  • Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn
  • Jay-Z and Beyonce (this was my No. 2 at that wedding, if anyone remotely cares)
  • Ashton and Mila
  • Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
  • Timberlake and Biel
  • Chris Pratt and Anna Faris
  • Jason Sudekis and Olivia Wilde
  • Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington-Whitely
  • Salma Hayek and that billionaire who runs the fashion house
  • Sofia Vergara and that ripped dude from True Blood and Magic Mike whose name I cannot spell
  • Tyga and Kendall Jenner, which I believe would be illegal

What you got?

Ted Bauer

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