It’s perfectly OK to feel like shit at the holidays

We have this belief that because the holidays are so joyous and N’Sync songs are playing everywhere and everyone is tagging Mariah Carey in their IG posts, that it’s all supposed to be great and OK and perfect and fun and happy.

Let me hit you with some reality: it’s not. In fact, here’s the overwhelming amount of stuff I think about this season:

• I’m 38 and I still rent. I’ll probably still rent at 40, honestly.
• I don’t have a lot of money.
• Not really that successful conventionally.
• Divorced!
• Really need to get more consistent with the gym
• Have seemingly lost a lot of friends in the past few years
• Feel like I’m “behind” on life markers
• Not sure what 2019 and beyond seems to hold

So yea, it’s depressing. Now, there are similar ways to re-frame my existence so that it’s more positive. I don’t walk around in a depressive haze all day. Not sure that would benefit anyone. 

Thing is: the holidays happen at the end of a year, and the end of a year is a natural point for reflection and context on the year past and the year ahead. You’re going to reflect. And no year is perfect, Christmas letters be damned. We’re all out here just trying to do the best we can with what we have and where we land. It’s hard to skip the “second act” of life.

Now, depression works best if it motivates somehow. If you just wallow in it, it’s usually, well, pretty depressing. If you use it as motivation towards something a little bit bigger, you can slowly feel your way out of it.

That’s part of the reason I even wrote a post this morning. I hadn’t been writing as consistently and that was one thing making me sad, so I decided I need to try and write more. I’m not sure I can do anything about being 38 except living being 38, but everything else I think I can continue to work at.

My point is: the holidays are hard. They’re reflective, and you think you’re supposed to feel a certain way. Social media, i.e. comparison on steroids, is just beautiful holiday party pics and friends you see from afar. It’s not the best situation for people all the time. You can be sad. It’s OK. But try to use it towards something more, if possible.