Hey.
If you built a time machine with Doc Brown and took me back to age 22 and asked me about my second wedding, I’d probably guffaw at you, because no one sets out with the goal of having a first one not work out.
But here we are on that front. If you want to figure out how we got from “A” to “B,” probably this would be the easiest thing of mine to read.
Now, if you stayed back with me at 22 and were like, “There will also be a global pandemic during that time,” I’d also guffaw and be like “Pandemic? What’s that? Like a thing in a history book?”
So it’s been an intersecting intersection the last few months or so, but ya know, here we are.
How does a second wedding feel?
I haven’t actually had it yet, so get back to me next week. But in general?
Pro: You got another chance at it. You can do better where you fucked up. It’s still a cool gathering. People celebrate you. There are always chances to reinvent or find new friend groups, even if the level of commitment and interaction is different.
Con: In general, people don’t care that much about second weddings. You go through a lot of self-reflection, some of the negative variety. Some people have you in the bucket of “also-ran” or “bad at this relationship stuff.” Some people will even openly grouse about the stuff they did for you the first time around.
What about doing this during COVID?
Pro: It cuts out some standard wedding and familial politics just simply because there are limits on who can be there, spacing, who will travel, etc. This wedding will probably be about 35-40 people, max. Maybe in a non-COVID time, you’re talking 100 or so, max. My first wedding was 165. There was a good chunk of drama regarding my first in different pockets leading up to it; we were engaged about a year, maybe a little over a year. I’d count 2-3 big flareups.
Con: People don’t really travel. My parents won’t be at this one; maybe we’ll do something in 2021 around them. Even if people are local, they’re freaked out about getting sick or getting someone sick, so they aren’t as engaged. Bonus con: people are generally on edge because of a mix of COVID, racial unrest, and a Presidential election. So, that’s wild.
What about when you put the two together?
For me, I have days where I think it’s sad that very few seem to give a shit about this. Then I counteract it with:
- Why should I be self-absorbed? Who am I?
- This is more about her (first wedding) and family.
- It’s a fucking pandemic.
- Even if it wasn’t in a pandemic, who really cares that much about a second wedding?
- Get over yourself.
So, it’s sad but eminently manageable.
Do I expect people to remember or hit me up on Saturday/Sunday?
Absolutely not. But if they do, awesome. My cell is 860-967-7667 if you want to send me a text. Ceremony is 11am Central Time.
Do I see myself as unique in this?
Not really. I think maybe it’s a little unique to combine “second” and “COVID,” but I bet it’s already been done 1,000+ times around the world since March. So no, not really that unique.
Just a woke hustler out here sharing thoughts and trying to do things right.
So happy for you and Katie!! Good luck this weekend and hope everything is beautiful. Sending love to you both this weekend.
Ted, I’ve done the second wedding, too. It was the 2nd time for each of us. We had 15 family members at the wedding and live streamed it for all who couldn’t travel – and this was in 2010. I agree there was a lot of self reflection that happened prior to the day. Something to remember, that while it might be your second wedding – it’s the first time you and she are getting married. It’s a special moment in your lives. You are honoring the “US” that you and her make. It’s like it’s own person. Enjoy and celebrate your love. May you both live and love together for many years to come.
Congrats, man! Who gives a s##t about Covid and all that!? Your’re getting married! And just drop the “2nd time” part. Sunk cost, as they say in finance. Can’t change the past, so focus your energy on the present and laying the foundation for a good future. 🙂