Are men capable of effective parenting?

One Comment

1. Ted:

   A man can be a good caring involved parent but he has to want to be that. It is an attitude and choice he makes to be involved, however he can, in the caring and upbringing of his children. He has to think ahead and understand that what he gives as a father to his children will come back to him as he sees his children grow into adults and they become parents. Too often we see a father take the lazy way out and put himself first instead of his children as they grow. Those selfish fathers look, as you infer, at their “kids” as burdens not blessings to them. My dear Chinese (from Taiwan) wife of 40 years and I adopted our first child (Daughter) in May of 1994 (when we were both 37) from China and out second child (Son) from China in 1995. We both immensely enjoyed and thru ourselves into parenting together. I fed, changed, bathed, took to school, helped with homework etc. whenever I could. We decided to craft a weekend routine where we would attempt (mostly successful) to spend Saturdays doing something with our children either together or separately and they grew to love and expect that. We helped them in their schooling and through the years that help grew. I was the editor of papers for both from middle school through college. I was there to sooth them when relationships soured and I helped them decide which colleges THEY wanted to attend and which majors THEY wanted to go after. As they grew into adults (our Daughter is 29, Son 27) I became not just their father but their confidant and friend. My wife has supported me all along with this. Our Daughter married another China adoptee in 2017 and with our blessings moved from SoCal to Texas. Our SIL even said he’d find a job in SoCal but we stopped them and said you both will flourish and have a better life in Texas and you have our blessings. We could do this because we both knew our daughter deeply from having lived with her and FOR her. She has now given us two wonderful grandsons and we celebrate in joy watching them both become involved loving parents. Our Son is still with us here in SoCal waiting to attend Grad School in the fall after delays of two years due to all the Covid disruptions. We will remain in SoCal until he gets through Grad school and on his own. This time in life with him is even more rewarding as we engage with him and his challenges in a Covid disrupted world. We both look back at when our children were say 8 or 9 and we truly miss those days. We had so much fun and gained so much joy back then. As I led into this; as a father a man has to want to be involved and his attitude has to be that his children are given to him by God for but a short time to influence, raise up and help become good adults themselves. It can be done but you have to want it. It is sad that too many fathers selfishly choose another pathway and their children suffer going forward.

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