Saw this drivel on Harvard Business Review today about “compassionate email cultures” — I thought we killed email? Isn’t that why Salesforce bought Slack? — and I almost took a giant dump on my laptop, which paradoxically might have increased the value of what I normally do with my laptop.
First off, the author gets on the cross about Inbox Zero within 2-3 lines, which makes me gag. I’ve had Inbox Zero for the better part of 12 years. It’s not that hard. Use folders wisely. Thank u, next.
Then they lay out some “rules” for email etiquette, including — >
- Curate and focus your recipient list before you hit send. Does everyone really need to be on the thread? Remove anyone unnecessary; they can always be added later.
- Write succinctly and in an organized fashion. The content of every message should be clear and specific: What’s the question, the request you need approved, or the information you need to deliver?
- Apply situational awareness. Ask yourself: Does this conversation really need to happen over email? Could it be a phone or video call instead? Many messages can be deferred until the next casual conversation or routine scheduled meeting.
LOL. ROFL. I just died a little bit.
Let me tell you a quick story from 2014 or so
I was working at some white-collar hellhole, and the Biggest Dog Of Them All — the CEO, son of the founder — came back from some retreat thing and he created a “new rule” — Bill Maher! — that everyone had to lead their emails with a time window, i.e. “Hey Bill, I need this back in 72 hours…” or “Bill, this is urgent.” We literally tried this for three days, and I’m not sure it even lasted that long. Within 60 hours, my boss’ boss was sending us the same urgent, no-context bullshit that she had been 4-5 days ago. The whole thing fizzled and was never discussed again, or, in other words — what happens to most non-revenue initiatives in white-collar.
Look at some of the words in the bullet points above.
“Situational awareness?” Is that tied to bonuses, somehow? Did I miss a memo?
Write in an organized fashion? “I make shit happen, Bob! I move widgets! You don’t need me to be Malcolm Gladwell! Hire someone on Fivrr for that shit!”
“Curate and focus your recipient list?” Please. Most email lists are designed to essentially take out a person’s fucking legs (“Sweep The Leg!”) by CC’ing a big boss to show that “Hey, Tim is slacking off on this shit and you need to bring down the hammer.” That’s pretty much all email is.
Compassionate email culture? Good luck.
LOL.
