I write a lot about friendship and relationships, which is probably paradoxical to some who know me because I’m not always the greatest friend and I’m definitely not that great in relationships, i.e. I’ve been divorced. I drink like a fucking fish sometimes and can’t totally get that under control, and I’ve got a whole bunch of other problems around self-esteem, purpose, value, and the like. I’m a largely broken person, if we’re being self-aware.
But one thing I do semi-well, or at least periodically, is try to hit people up. I go through periods where these outreaches are insanely generic, like “Good weekend?” and they don’t get much response or engagement. When I go more specific like “How is your wife handling the passing of her dad?” it tends to be a bit better. But I do it. I could be better — we all could — but I do it.
One of the most distressing elements of adulthood to me has always been how people operate their lives according to checking boxes and subsequently hiding behind those boxes, i.e. “No time, busy with the kids!” or “No time, work has been crazy busy lately!” I fully understand that your profession and your offspring are ultimately two of the main — probably the two main — things you will define yourself by in waning moments, but I also think there’s a vast ecosystem and landscape of relationships beyond your partner and any potential offspring, biological or not.
Every single person in the world currently knows at least one person who is struggling with something — a passing of a loved one, generalized anxiety or depression, feeling alone, “trigger days” like Mother’s Day, etc. If you are reading these words right now, you know at least one person who is struggling. We all do. Reach out to them. And if you aren’t sure who “them” is because you don’t see people struggling in the platform economy, well, reach out to people in general and you’ll find out who’s struggling (and who’s thriving).
Just do that. Reach out. Be a human being. This stuff is significantly more important than you realize, and we know that both anecdotally and via research into suicide notes, hospice nurses, and more.
So just put it on the deck. Reach out. You could change someone’s entire day, week, month, or even year.
