That’s really the only mantra for life — any of us could theoretically get hit by a bus tomorrow — but it’s relevant in the recovery community, and I’m trying to do better there of late. I got pretty fucked up on Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week, Wednesday to the point of not really being able to articulate basic language and thoughts in the company of others, and I’m on hiatus for a bit — hopefully longer than that — with drinking for right now. I’ve struggled with this shit for absolute years. I don’t want to come out and tell you “I’m done forever!” because that feels like an increasingly long amount of time, and I can’t conceptualize that properly, you know? I can conceptualize one day at a time, though, or try to. I’ve tried before and been less than successful, but I’m hoping this one can stick with some community and planning and different activities. I also feel like I need a whole new approach to what I do professionally, but let’s take this one step and one day at a time.
If you stumbled on this and want some background on my drinking, I guess read this. That’s one of the most honest things I’ve written on it in the last few years. But I’ve been hella bad for a while, including day-drinking, driving when I shouldn’t, etc. It’s time for a broad-scale reassessment.
Sometimes people ask me for a bad story, or a “rock bottom” thing, and honestly I have dozens and dozens of those, maybe into the low-six figures. One I periodically come back to in therapy, or have over the years, is about a year before I got divorced, my then-wife worked on 7th Street in downtown Fort Worth. I was at a bar on 3rd Street, so like four blocks away, at 2pm. She called me about getting out of work early, but needing to leave for another event at 4pm. Because I was already kinda tossed, instead of just going home, or meeting her somewhere, I stayed at that bar for another two hours, then went home. I have worse stories than that, but for some reason I always come back to that because it encapsulates lying, over-reliance on alcohol, failed relationships, and more.
Anyway. Just a quick post to say I’m trying. Send me vibes.
Hey Ted, I find your writing good, maybe even better since the LI ban. You are correct about just getting by one day at a time. You write about drinking and stopping and having challenges but you never write (at least I don’t remember) about using AA to help you stop. Maybe you are just too proud to do so (I suspect that is it) but if you want to save yourself once and for all and save your current marriage you know you need AA at this time in your life. So go do it and write about the experience. AA has proven it works. Now go do it.
I stumbled on your posts via medium and your thoughts on toxic management really resonated and since I’ve always checked out your work. However your more personal post about drinking really struck a nerve. Back in 2019 my drinking was a real problem. Day drinking on my own, being drunk in meetings and lying to my wife to get drunk after work usual on my own. Then after one incident just thought it had to stop. So without any fanfare I thought let’s stop. I read Annie Grace naked mind and download the I am sober app and took a day at a time. In nearly 2 years sober and never felt more like myself. Just get through the day, then the next